Laying It ALL On The Table

There seems to be alot of rumor and speculation going around out there. Ok, not really. There's a lady (who will remain nameless) who solicited her business to me every single day via text message about making tutu's for my Christmas recital. That's fine every once in a while, but EVERY DAY even when I'm on vacation, starts to get annoying. It was because of this that I started thinking maybe I didn't want her to make the tutu's. When she (again) text messaged me yesterday, I had to do something about it-- it was getting ridiculous and was past annoying. Anyway, I told her that I still did not have a definite answer for her about how many tutus and how much and whatnot, and she went completely wacko. I still have the messages she sent me on my phone attacking every aspect of my life (which I still don't know how it relates to a business ordeal, but whatever).

Anyway, she said something that really flew all over me. She said "I'm sorry you became a mom and a wife before you were ready and don't get to go out and have fun like I do!" (I'm not even going to say that she is  a thirty year old babysitter who STILL goes out to bars and gets drunk like she's in college, and that EVERY time she invited me out with her, I had to make up an excuse to say no.) I have NEVER, let me stress, EVER, been a party girl. I've been to a few, but I don't like to go out. I'd rather  spend my time at home with my friends chilling on the couch with a beer, than go out to a bar with strangers and get trashed. It's just never appealed to me.

Here's the deal. A few people may think the same thing that she does. I know it seems odd, that I'm so young with my life pretty much set in stone. I had to be one of those girls that just couldn't keep her legs closed and got stuck, right?

Wrong.

In April of 2008, Tyler decided he wanted to marry me. I had no idea at this point of course. We had only been together for about six months, and I was 19, so marriage was the last thing on my mind. In May of 2008, Tyler and I hit a big bump in our journey together. I won't go into details about it, but in the end it brought us much closer, and that was when I realized I wanted to settle down with him. I don't mean settle down like go get an apartment together and live together for a few years while we work and go out and party.  We were past that- he was twenty-four, graduating college and looking to start a real life. And I knew that I wanted to be with him when I was fifty-six and we had grandchildren running all over the house. Marriage became common in our late night pillow talks, and I knew he was getting close to popping the question. Then the topic of kids creeped into the conversations. His dad was old when Tyler was born, and Tyler had always made it clear to me that he wanted to be a young dad so he could play catch with his son in the yard. If Tyler wanted to be a young dad, then that meant I had to be a young mom. It was a situation I didn't even have to question. Of course I would have his babies! Tyler was without question the Love of My Life, and we were going to have babies one day, anyway.

In the meantime, I had a doctor's appointment one day in the middle of all of this. Nothing special, just a regular female check-up. Only it wasn't. I had a complication with my cervix and my uterus that needed to be fixed. It had something to do with the position... to be honest with you, I don't really know everything. I just remember hearing him say "You will probably have a hard time getting pregnant." My heart broke.

I came home squalling and did all kinds of research on what was wrong with me. The numbers were terrifying- everywhere I looked, 5% chance with this possibility, 8% with this one... it was awful. I was so afraid that if I couldn't have kids, Tyler wouldn't want to marry me. He came home and I cried in his lap for a long time. I went back to the doctor a few times while they tried to do whatever it is that they do. It's all a blur of awkwardness and uncomfortable-ness and just a bad memory all around.

Then one day I came home and Ty was just sitting on the bed. You have to know my hubs- he doesn't just sit. I knew something was wrong. As I was expecting him to break up with me, he asked me if we could talk. He told me then that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and he asked me if I wanted to go pick out my ring. (You have to know Tyler- it's a good thing he didn't do this part on his own. I love him, but.) I was through the moon- I had no idea he was so sure so soon, especially with all my baby machine problems. We went that night to Kay and I got the ring I've worn for two and a half years now, and we swore to each other that night that we would do everything possible to have Baby Bryans running around before too long.

A month and a half later, there were two pink lines on a pregnancy test. Nine months after that, Greenleigh was born. Five months after that, there were two MORE pink lines on a pregnancy test. Nine months after that, Skyler was born. And these kids are our WORLD.

I didn't get "knocked up" or "have kids before I was ready".
GOD IS GOOD.

Love,
L

Wow

There will never be an April 16th or a May 1st that pass by from here until I die that I will not call my children and wish them a happy birthday. No matter how mad we may be, no matter what the past has been like, everybody deserves to hear "Happy Birthday, we love you" from their parents on their birthday. No matter how old you get.

I'm getting ready to go to Florida.

This time of the year...

... is always so hectic. November holds my birthday, our anniversary, my brother's birthday, Tyler's birthday, and Thanksgiving. It feels like there's something going on all the time!

Today's been a long day. Costume deposits were due today, so everybody came by paying me at the last minute. I'm trying to catch up on laundry and get our clothes semi-situated for the trip next week. My niece Monica is also staying with me for a few nights so the house has been full of activity. She's going through some things and I'm just trying to be there for her.

This blog is short and pointless, but I have to go now. I'll post more later!

Love,
L